Monday, June 17, 2013

Snake stories

Went to Alverno workshop. It was interesting. Yesterday enjoyed father's day with my husband's family. They have an oral tradition of telling stories and jokes too! So quick wrote down some stories this morning. This is just a first rough draft.


Snake Stories 6/17/13

One time Jer and I were driving back from up north, he was driving I was riding, when I looked out the windshield and saw a snake riding on the hood of Jer's 89 buick park avenue. All of a sudden it came up on the hood right by the windshield. It put it's head up and had it mouth open like a dog with its head out the window only the snake was on the hood of the car. then it crawled all the say over to jer's side of the windshield and did the dog head out of the window thing again. it was about 2-3 inches around and brown. It's body was longer than the car was wide. It rode on the hood in the spot right in front of the windshield for a while then disappeared back down under the hood. Could that snake get into the car?
I picked my feet off the floor and said, "jer, jer stop the car.
My husband smiled slightly. I just knew he was going to tease me.
Can that snake get in the car?
No
Just stop the car.
So he stopped the car, went to the trunk, pulled out a pair of leather work gloves and opened the hood.
I was standing back.
He looked under the hood. The snake was curled around the battery?
He grabbed the snake behind the head and started pulling, and pulling, and pulling. The snake didn't want to let go of the car but finally he got all 6 feet or so of the snake out and tossed him onto the grass. The snake crawled swiftly away and now resides somewhere near Holy Hill. I hope he found a nice home there with lots of mice to eat.
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Susan had a pet snake one time that had babies. The babies escaped the cage. They found most of them except for 3. So before crawling in bed they'd pull back the covers to make sure no snakes were there and shake out and look in her shoes before putting them on. They never did find those 3 snakes.
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Carla has a cousin? in Georgia who works for the GBI which is like the FBI but is for Georgia. She's very interesting to talk to and has a lot of stories to tell. One time Carla's cousin got a call at work from her Grandma who was living in an apartment.
There's a snake in my closet. I'm sitting on my kitchen table with a shot gun.
Carla's cousin said to her boss, I've got to go to my grandma's. She thinks she's got a snake in her closet. She's senile or something.
Her boss said, I'll come with you.
Carla's cousin got to her grandma's apartment. Yup, grandma was sitting on the kitchen table with a shot gun.
Where's the snake?
Grandma pointed to the closet.
Carla's cousin went to the closet. Opened the door, slammed it shut and said, Damn! God Damn! and walked away from the closet.
Her boss said, so is there a snake?
Carla's cousin pointed to the closet.
Her boss went to the closet. Opened the door, slammed it shut and said, Damn! God Damn! and walked away from the closet.
They called animal control.
This red neck guy ambled in, So where's the snake?
They pointed to the closet.
The red neck guy went to the closet. Opened the door, slammed it shut and said, Damn! God Damn! and walked away from the closet.
Turned out that the people in the apartment above had a pet boa constrictor. They put the snake's cage in the bathtub and went on vacation. The snake escaped, crawled through the vents and wrapped itself around grandma's hot water heater in her utility closet. It was big. It would not let go of the hot water heater. They ended up having to turn off the utilities and open the vents so it would hopefully crawl away. Grandma left. Not sure if she ever returned to that apartment.
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When I was a kid I used to walk barefoot through the sandy ground pine woods. One time I stepped on a pine snake. I thought it was a stick. I don't know who was more scared, me or the snake.

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